Even if I lately wish that the end was near and anxiously await the final curtain, I do hope for a sneak preview. Just a simple glimpse, so that I can rest in peace; and rest I am in lack of.
What if when I am drawing my last breath God gave me the luxury to be my own judge, it is a notion I have been toying with lately. This ludicrous idea did not come about out of schizophrenia nor did it emanate from a deep sense of guilt; on the contrary, this twisted state of mind stems from a complete feeling that I have tried my best to accommodate all those I HELD dear and so far never compromised. Endless efforts were made on my behalf trying to accommodate and accept, but rarely did I feel that I was met even half way. And still, regardless of this deep urge to throw everything out the window, regardless of consequences to those involved; I find myself waiting for some more.
Completely drained and disappointed. Even more, disillusioned and disgusted, to the extent that I just wish for all to let me lay down and rest. But you know damn well that this could not happen, for the final score has not been settled yet. So to some I say: let your “hired” spies feed you with the recurrent poison blinding your way. To others: let the lies you told so often become “the ultimate truth” for you have repeated them one time too many. And to some: "my giving well" has run dry, seek another.
If tonight in my sleep I draw my last breath, I know that my creator will meet me with his arms wide open. And if tomorrow I wake up and face yet another day, I solemnly promise to drastically change my ways.
Enough of this fake camaraderie and fake loyalties; no more efforts on my behalf.
Tonight I challenge the devil and reclaim back my life!
A bon entendeur, SALUT !
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Commemorating a lesson NOT learned !
No matter how hard you try (especially my generation) to move forward and turn the page, the (bloody) past has a knack to come back and bite you in the arse.
On the 13th of April, and for a few years now, this holier than thaw attitude has been the subject of competition between the “competing” local TV stations ,which are the bullhorn of most militias whom I hold responsible for the death of 150000- 200000 fellow Lebanese. Amazingly enough they all seem to agree (wrongly) on the image of Ain El Roumaneh bus as the start of all evil that cursed this Biblical land of ours. In order to keep this latest rambling of mine short, I might grant all those who believe in this fallacy the pleasure in dwelling in this false pretext for the (according to me) war started with the Imposed signature of the Cairo treaty and the “flint” was the Kissinger plan. Call me a conspiracy theorist or even a moron, but this was, and still is my conviction.
On the eve of the 13th of April, I do not want (or at least I try not to) lay the blame on anyone anymore.
On the eve of the 13th of April I wish for this new generation to finally draw lessons from our bloody past.
But how could they???
This same generation I am referring to, is being brought up in an environment more entrenched in sectarianism and fanaticism then I ever witnessed in the late 70’s when I was still a teenager. Before the war broke out (because of the bus incident or not is now irrelevant, but not to me) teenagers did not (in general) pay much attention to religious following according to family names. My generation, intentionally or not, made the divide even greater. Rebellious teens found a new slogan to use against their parents, such as “la lil ta2fiah” which they proudly put as bumper stickers on their cars; but when push came to shove they were more than happy to use derogative terms towards their fellow citizens.
Friends of mine published a humorous blog on their page, which prompted me to write tonight. It is not the contents as such, but the mere picture of the Holiday Inn hotel, and the vivid memory of a man plunging to his death trying to evade an even worst fate. What followed I will spare you, for it is too painful for me to recall, although many have lived even worst.
And you think that we have learned our lesson.
How can we; when we are still harboring all sorts of banned fanatic clerics, mullahs, terrorists, Schizophrenics child murderer (Samir Kuntar), convicted murderers (Ahmad Gibril), strive towards peace, prosperity and most of all security for our children. All those who died during the 15 years of “civil” war are turning in their graves.
Why you might ask?
One example will suffice, and that of the man who threw himself from the Holliday Inn and is now rotten in his grave watching goatee Saad shake hands with Geagea. And this is only one example. 15 years of war and 150000- 200000 martyrs never would they have shed (in their majority) their blood if they knew that Hassouna will be the ultimate dictator treading the same grounds they are buried under. Even the Imam Moussa Al Sadr is turning in his grave.
I sure hope that the day will not come when we will commemorate the 7th of May as the day when HIzbollahistan was born.
On the 13th of April, and for a few years now, this holier than thaw attitude has been the subject of competition between the “competing” local TV stations ,which are the bullhorn of most militias whom I hold responsible for the death of 150000- 200000 fellow Lebanese. Amazingly enough they all seem to agree (wrongly) on the image of Ain El Roumaneh bus as the start of all evil that cursed this Biblical land of ours. In order to keep this latest rambling of mine short, I might grant all those who believe in this fallacy the pleasure in dwelling in this false pretext for the (according to me) war started with the Imposed signature of the Cairo treaty and the “flint” was the Kissinger plan. Call me a conspiracy theorist or even a moron, but this was, and still is my conviction.
On the eve of the 13th of April, I do not want (or at least I try not to) lay the blame on anyone anymore.
On the eve of the 13th of April I wish for this new generation to finally draw lessons from our bloody past.
But how could they???
This same generation I am referring to, is being brought up in an environment more entrenched in sectarianism and fanaticism then I ever witnessed in the late 70’s when I was still a teenager. Before the war broke out (because of the bus incident or not is now irrelevant, but not to me) teenagers did not (in general) pay much attention to religious following according to family names. My generation, intentionally or not, made the divide even greater. Rebellious teens found a new slogan to use against their parents, such as “la lil ta2fiah” which they proudly put as bumper stickers on their cars; but when push came to shove they were more than happy to use derogative terms towards their fellow citizens.
Friends of mine published a humorous blog on their page, which prompted me to write tonight. It is not the contents as such, but the mere picture of the Holiday Inn hotel, and the vivid memory of a man plunging to his death trying to evade an even worst fate. What followed I will spare you, for it is too painful for me to recall, although many have lived even worst.
And you think that we have learned our lesson.
How can we; when we are still harboring all sorts of banned fanatic clerics, mullahs, terrorists, Schizophrenics child murderer (Samir Kuntar), convicted murderers (Ahmad Gibril), strive towards peace, prosperity and most of all security for our children. All those who died during the 15 years of “civil” war are turning in their graves.
Why you might ask?
One example will suffice, and that of the man who threw himself from the Holliday Inn and is now rotten in his grave watching goatee Saad shake hands with Geagea. And this is only one example. 15 years of war and 150000- 200000 martyrs never would they have shed (in their majority) their blood if they knew that Hassouna will be the ultimate dictator treading the same grounds they are buried under. Even the Imam Moussa Al Sadr is turning in his grave.
I sure hope that the day will not come when we will commemorate the 7th of May as the day when HIzbollahistan was born.
Friday, April 02, 2010
LBC 1, MTV 0
Ever since MTV was allowed to grace us once again with its “supposedly” non biased opinion, I found myself steering away from the LBC news segment. Being a fervent disciple of a free Lebanon (free of Syrian hegemony), I found hope in this TV station that was once silenced because of its ballsy attempt to just state facts. Well this “Cinderella” notion of mine did not last long.
For those who know me on a personal level, are aware that I have invested (after many years of self exile) myself in what I thought was the “rise of the phoenix”. I came back home against all odds in order to repay (or even contribute towards) my dues to this motherland. Upon my return I had my fair share of disappointments and cultural shock. But I never gave up. The struggle to justify my decision to come back is still ongoing. I was graced with a son (born in England) but from Lebanese decent. I have tried to instill within his very young soul the love of the motherland. I have showed him the scares that were inflicted upon me during the 15 years of civil war; and tried to inculcate within his virgin soul the morals that were ripped from me when I was his age.
Yes I am blabbering and trying to find a way or a “preanbule” to the text that will follow. I am man who decided to uproot a child from the safety of civil society which could have provided him with all the basic necessities and the respect owned, and “dumped” him amongst people who would sell their own mothers for a fistful of dollars. Mea culpa.
I, like many others in this Biblical land came to acknowledge that in order to secure a (relatively) bright future to our sons, could not rely on a simple white collar job. So I invested my hard earned savings in the ONLY segment in the motherland that seemed to be striving, and could yield a high rate of return. I invested in Gemmayzeh. One building over two floors, and I (and my partners alike) decided to make do with “wasta” and be the first to engage in business the “proper” way. Well needless to say we were FUCKED left right and center by Lebanese bureaucracy. Still we bite our lip and make do with the situation at hand. The project went over budget while waiting for the proper licenses even after greasing the “paws” of one too many politicians and government officials.
Then we thought we had it made, not because of monies paid and free dinners, but for we thought we had finally fulfilled all the perquisite regulations which would entitle us to engage in business legally.
So I thought (wrongly it seems) that I was working towards leaving some sort of legacy to my son (and so did those I have convinced to invest in my project) knowing that after graduating from college (if ever he could find a job locally) his salary will not suffice to rent him a room in a half decent place within this 10452Km2.
My plans (and my far-fetched worries) did not include (even in my wildest dreams) what is taking place today. Today I have came to the bitter conclusion that my fellow Lebanese deserve to rot in hell. I, as a non practicing, but raised Christian could not believe nor comprehend the amount of selfishness and hatred that was blurted by some of the people who participated in the “Kalam al nass” program.
Before I go any further I have to pay tribute to Marcel Ghanem for having shown (to my utter surprise) a true journalistic integrity in comparison to that constipated MTV presenter Abou Nader Al Hindi who thinks that the sun only shines out of her own wrinkled arse (maybe for carrying somehow in a shy way her husband's name). During his program Mr. Ghanem tried his best to show both sides of the story, and yes I am representative of one of one those sides having invested (along with my partners) over a million dollars. Needless to say that we have met with the residents of Gemmayzeh(on many occasions); the same people who rented us spaces then not fit to be used for stables, not for horses, but for donkeys at exorbitant prices, knowing damn well what our intentions were; and then they had no reservations upon contract signature. Miss, Ms, or Mrs Fadia Kiwan found it fit to organize a few sit ins, along with Pilipino maids (ill treated or not, I will leave it up to you), in their pajamas claiming that we are depriving her (and other “landlords") from a goodnight sleep. Another anal retentive dickhead (I think his name was Nabil) in the midst of screaming through the microphone, pulled out a box of “Lexo” in a vain attempt to draw attention (while it was obvious that he was high on God knows what) to his alleged lack of sleep.
But most shocking of all, was our dear minister of tourism (who comes from an industrial background) and kept on claiming that in Gemmayzeh “night clubs” and “super night clubs” are the main cause of the problem. Get a grip Mr Abboud, if your inquisition is aimed at “Night Clubs” and “Super Night Clubs” maybe you should target Solidere and Maameltein, but not Gemmayezeh. Yes you said it, and I agree with you; you haven’t signed any new licenses in Gemmayazeh, but why may I ask? The answer is very simple; there are no more vacancies or places to rent and you are what I call a "pied tendre"in your newly found office. Those FUCKS you are supposedly protecting are the one and the same landlords who signed over their leases to us in the knowledge that the premises will be used not for a bookshop, a pharmacy, a corner shop..etc but for pubs, and what they are now calling “mahchachat”. If it were not for investors like me, and many others, Gemmayzeh would be like Badaro at night; a ghost town.
Minister of tourism my Arse Mr. Abboud, you are nothing by a reflection of the demented General you follow and whom is driving us into Hizbollahstan at a pace faster than the speed of light. I dare you to go to Hamra and some of the “residential perpendicular” streets and issue warrants of closing. Wlek TFEH 3alek wa 3ala m3almak!.
Close down Gemmayzeh you “moronic” minister of tourism. I just wish that all those concerned will reopen in Rabieh and let your demented general enjoy a goodnight sleep. Maybe then he will move to another location and actually have to pay rent!!!
Like I have said it before “do not bite the hand that feed you”, but this time I will add FUCK YOU you ingrate penny chasing, low life, social parasites (residents of Gemmayzeh). If I was to shove a charcoal up your arses, within less than a month I would have had diamond field.
TFEH !!!
For those who know me on a personal level, are aware that I have invested (after many years of self exile) myself in what I thought was the “rise of the phoenix”. I came back home against all odds in order to repay (or even contribute towards) my dues to this motherland. Upon my return I had my fair share of disappointments and cultural shock. But I never gave up. The struggle to justify my decision to come back is still ongoing. I was graced with a son (born in England) but from Lebanese decent. I have tried to instill within his very young soul the love of the motherland. I have showed him the scares that were inflicted upon me during the 15 years of civil war; and tried to inculcate within his virgin soul the morals that were ripped from me when I was his age.
Yes I am blabbering and trying to find a way or a “preanbule” to the text that will follow. I am man who decided to uproot a child from the safety of civil society which could have provided him with all the basic necessities and the respect owned, and “dumped” him amongst people who would sell their own mothers for a fistful of dollars. Mea culpa.
I, like many others in this Biblical land came to acknowledge that in order to secure a (relatively) bright future to our sons, could not rely on a simple white collar job. So I invested my hard earned savings in the ONLY segment in the motherland that seemed to be striving, and could yield a high rate of return. I invested in Gemmayzeh. One building over two floors, and I (and my partners alike) decided to make do with “wasta” and be the first to engage in business the “proper” way. Well needless to say we were FUCKED left right and center by Lebanese bureaucracy. Still we bite our lip and make do with the situation at hand. The project went over budget while waiting for the proper licenses even after greasing the “paws” of one too many politicians and government officials.
Then we thought we had it made, not because of monies paid and free dinners, but for we thought we had finally fulfilled all the perquisite regulations which would entitle us to engage in business legally.
So I thought (wrongly it seems) that I was working towards leaving some sort of legacy to my son (and so did those I have convinced to invest in my project) knowing that after graduating from college (if ever he could find a job locally) his salary will not suffice to rent him a room in a half decent place within this 10452Km2.
My plans (and my far-fetched worries) did not include (even in my wildest dreams) what is taking place today. Today I have came to the bitter conclusion that my fellow Lebanese deserve to rot in hell. I, as a non practicing, but raised Christian could not believe nor comprehend the amount of selfishness and hatred that was blurted by some of the people who participated in the “Kalam al nass” program.
Before I go any further I have to pay tribute to Marcel Ghanem for having shown (to my utter surprise) a true journalistic integrity in comparison to that constipated MTV presenter Abou Nader Al Hindi who thinks that the sun only shines out of her own wrinkled arse (maybe for carrying somehow in a shy way her husband's name). During his program Mr. Ghanem tried his best to show both sides of the story, and yes I am representative of one of one those sides having invested (along with my partners) over a million dollars. Needless to say that we have met with the residents of Gemmayzeh(on many occasions); the same people who rented us spaces then not fit to be used for stables, not for horses, but for donkeys at exorbitant prices, knowing damn well what our intentions were; and then they had no reservations upon contract signature. Miss, Ms, or Mrs Fadia Kiwan found it fit to organize a few sit ins, along with Pilipino maids (ill treated or not, I will leave it up to you), in their pajamas claiming that we are depriving her (and other “landlords") from a goodnight sleep. Another anal retentive dickhead (I think his name was Nabil) in the midst of screaming through the microphone, pulled out a box of “Lexo” in a vain attempt to draw attention (while it was obvious that he was high on God knows what) to his alleged lack of sleep.
But most shocking of all, was our dear minister of tourism (who comes from an industrial background) and kept on claiming that in Gemmayzeh “night clubs” and “super night clubs” are the main cause of the problem. Get a grip Mr Abboud, if your inquisition is aimed at “Night Clubs” and “Super Night Clubs” maybe you should target Solidere and Maameltein, but not Gemmayezeh. Yes you said it, and I agree with you; you haven’t signed any new licenses in Gemmayazeh, but why may I ask? The answer is very simple; there are no more vacancies or places to rent and you are what I call a "pied tendre"in your newly found office. Those FUCKS you are supposedly protecting are the one and the same landlords who signed over their leases to us in the knowledge that the premises will be used not for a bookshop, a pharmacy, a corner shop..etc but for pubs, and what they are now calling “mahchachat”. If it were not for investors like me, and many others, Gemmayzeh would be like Badaro at night; a ghost town.
Minister of tourism my Arse Mr. Abboud, you are nothing by a reflection of the demented General you follow and whom is driving us into Hizbollahstan at a pace faster than the speed of light. I dare you to go to Hamra and some of the “residential perpendicular” streets and issue warrants of closing. Wlek TFEH 3alek wa 3ala m3almak!.
Close down Gemmayzeh you “moronic” minister of tourism. I just wish that all those concerned will reopen in Rabieh and let your demented general enjoy a goodnight sleep. Maybe then he will move to another location and actually have to pay rent!!!
Like I have said it before “do not bite the hand that feed you”, but this time I will add FUCK YOU you ingrate penny chasing, low life, social parasites (residents of Gemmayzeh). If I was to shove a charcoal up your arses, within less than a month I would have had diamond field.
TFEH !!!
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