Wlek fri2ouna bi ri7a taybeh !

Sick and tired of half backed local election speeches vulgarly delivered by erected dicks from all sides, pretending to have my country’s best interest at heart.
Like every father, I had dreams and hopes for my son. Such dreams included a happy childhood away from struggle and strife (civil unrest, let alone civil war), and a deep rooted sense of pride in the fact that he was Lebanese. I am fully aware that the “cocodi” has long been gone, the family trips to “Spinneys” by the airport road can no longer be undertaken, “Saint Simon” and “Accapulco” have now been replaced by “Tasli7 ashikmon”, that Christmas does no longer officially begin with the lights on Hamra street, and “Toyland” is no longer there. Many memories I would have liked to relive through Tarek (my son). Granted people evolve and things change, but a great part of local history has been wiped out and no one seems to care. None of those erected dicks (running for election) seem to give a damn about keeping this “life line” going. What we are left with today in this cursed country of mine are landmarks reflecting the hatred that has been brewing for years and suddenly exploded.
Today I took my son for a haircut and for a split second I was transported back in time, back to the days when my dad took me to the local barber shop (now we have “salon de coiffure”). It made me realize (although a normal evolution) that even the simplest of experiences I would have liked to share with Tarek is no longer possible; for the times have changed. If only they have changed for the best, I wouldn’t have minded. I came to realize that many of my childhood’s cherished memories I will never relive or share with him. He will never ride the bumper cars at the “Cocodi”, swim in the “Saint Simon”, go to Toyland or 2aisar 3amer, cinema Saroulla…. Etc.
At the “salon de coiffure” today I could smell talcum powder and Old Spice, but it was only in my head.
So to my dear leaders (all, with no exception) Wlek fri2ouna bi ri7ha taybeh, but be kind enough to pick any of the following, for it reminds me of days long gone but never forgotten.

Wlek Tfeh !

“3rd republic”, “Ô glorious day (7th of May)”, “Syrian interference in the Bekaa”, “your father is a liar and so is your mother”, “it was just a slip of the tongue”, “we won’t forget as long as the sky is blue” ….etc.
A defective cellular network, traffic jams due to (supposedly) uncoordinated efforts, tension running high in the streets once again, and a faulty keyboard; are more than I can bear!
C’est quoi ce bordel (sorry Ekios)! I came back home in the hope of retiring and resting my weary bones. And all of you, who once deprived me of my childhood and innocence, are now making sure that my last days will not be any different.
1) Hassouna: 7th of May is nothing short in comparison to the 20th of January 1976 (Damour), or (another event that you might better relate to, for the time being) September 18th 1982 (Sabra & Chatila), or even (and this is just to ruffle your feathers, or shall I say turban) 2nd of October 1983 (attack on the American barracks), or any other bloody day within our history.
2) Micho: Kelloun kezzabin wa oukhwat charmouta; but on October 13th 1990, who was the one who fled in his pajamas to the French embassy leaving his soldiers behind? Granted it is the dream of every single “true Lebanese” to live freely in a country that is independent, sovereign, and enjoys territorial integrity, and moreover you talk (not so calmly) of “fassad”. I ask of you: Where is our sovereignty when our faith you have tied (via your MOU with the Hizb) to that of Palestine and the Israeli problem? Where is this independence and sovereignty, when one of your sponsors (again via your MOU with the Hezb) has yet to demarcate the borders? Where does the “fasad” lays , when you can afford to deface the endless kilometers of Lebanese soil with your demeaning slogans?
3) Doc Geagea: I guess that the years spent in solitary in a basement at the “wizaret al difa3” were not enough to wash away the misdeeds of your past (and yours might need at least three generations of semi amnesiacs in order to ensure some kind of redemption). I do not give a crap if you have spent your time reading the Bible or any other religious book; your past (bloody and painful) is still vividly engraved in my soul that (to quote yet another idiot) “ma binsa wil sama zarka”.
4) Walid Beik: “A slip of the tongue”????? why ? was your head shoved up Hassouna’s arse so far that you took a liking to it? Or is it the “survival of the fittest”? How many more changes of allegiances will it take you to finally make a firm stand? Kamal is rolling in his grave, for he had the courage to stand for his beliefs (and that is why he was silenced). Go back to riding motorbikes, for you have shamed (and no I am not sectarian) your fellow Lebanese.
5) Goatee Saad : As a new comer in this cesspool, you should have stuck to taking care of your father’s “international” business. This new found Sunni alliance with the LF (and other Christian fractions) will not hold for long, in their (Christians that is) minds it is nothing but the lesser of two evils.
The list of grievances is long and encompasses the entire political class, wlek TFEH AND KISS EKHTKOUN KELLKOUN. I do not care if Brahim Kenaan’s convoy was attacked a couple of days ago, nor do I care about the exchange of gun fire in Becharre within the Touk family; but I am worried about the two last speeches of Hassouna (our divine leader) who started by (whilst pointing and shaking his finger in anger) telling us that the vents of the 7th f May are not only glorious but could also be extended to cover the 10452 Km2 that is Lebanon (excluding for the time being the Shebaa farms and the Ghajar village), and his explanation with regards to the Israeli maneuvers (as if it was the first time Israel undertakes such maneuvers) and how he reserves the rights (as a resistance of course) to take counter measures. Wlek ya Hassouna ma3leich, I wasn’t born yesterday.
From those “progeniture” of old prominent figures, outspoken, power crazed, megalomaniacs, new born Christians, newly released prisoners, blood stained militia leaders; to those barely riding on their family train (the likes of Arslan, Karame,…etc) WLEK FIKKO 3ANNA. Retire and enjoy all the money that you have accumulated (illegally) throughout our (doomed) first republic, and still do today; and let us be.
The more we approach the “jour J”, the more I am convinced that my country is doomed.
Fuck it I say, screw them all!
BUT HOW? I am open to suggestions.